It all comes back to source
reflection on ramadan, chicago, and 32 years of living
Ramadan Mubarak beloveds and happy Pisces season,
so many month and seasons have past since ive returned to these pages. Other things continue to feel far more pressing and urgent than taking the time to return to myself, this pause, these pages, in order to offer any sort of useful culmination of thought.
too often, it all (it = the state of our world, the insidious layers of grief that beg to be held, the challenge of nurturing vitality amidst so many attacks on our people here and in our homelands) seem to continuously in-debt the gift of the present moment to the horrors of the past. catching up, at times, it seems, is never ending.
this year, i intend to challenge this cycle of overwhelm. pause for breath more often. water more center more intentionally. insist that to believe in and work toward something other than the horrors being forced upon is a vision worth protecting. and that doing so doesn’t have to exhaust the life and wellbeing out of us. 3 months into 2025, and 4 days into my 32nd year of life, heres how its going so far: protecting my center in spite of ongoing + merciless external flux, is beginning to feel more possible than ever.
My recipe? HEALTH, spiritual deepening in Islam, balancing w greater discernment my creative + professional pursuits and my regenerative rituals, such asssss: sun soaking (hello (faux) spring, is that you?), yoga + pilates ( if the elders are there thats the class im tryna be in tbh!), cooking something yummy with friends, pausing the ideations of my mind to pick up a book and slow down, drinking and sharing tea, and most meaningful to me- investing the time and effort into being a good friend and family member.
At the midpoint of Ramadan—a sacred month of rituals that ground, deepen and unify the ummah globally— i find the inspiration to reflect on these anchors supporting my intentions for a more sustainable way of existing in the world. The experience of fasting, alongside daily ritual, has gifted me a newfound savoring of time, an anchoring of oneness and focus in my mind, and the ability to reflect from a place of clarity, quieted thoughts, and ultimately, inner peace + faith.
This year, Ramadan also feels more special than ever before, perhaps because of my years-long journey as an adult to further integrate all parts of myself, release shame, self doubt, and questions of my belongingness to Islam. Accessing instead trust, humility, peace, and gratitude that Islam inspires for so many— is becoming increasingly possible. I hope to protect this place of center that Ramadan and trust in Allah is nurturing within me for seasons to come.
I also turned thirty two this ramadan
Celebrating my birthday in Chicago is still something i’m getting use to - i mean i lived 30 years of my life in the sunshine state , so reckoning with the fact that a beach party in March may no longer be the vibe, is frankly still so weird to me— but here we are. Building community in Chicago has been a slow, humbling, and deeply beautiful journey. The Arab community i have found in this city has been essential to navigating the past year, as well as a tender gift to my childhood self, who struggled to understand the richness of my identity without the presence and mirror of other Arabs to grow up alongside.
Chicago has also gifted me so much support as an artist. From the public park programs that offer affordable learning, to radical cultural workers that have been allies to me in co-welding the political power of our crafts. The amount of people who have trusted in me and asked to feed them and their kin has been so special.
But this birthday was about centering and celebrating the rawest part of my transition to this new city — making friendships! I chose to celebrate and be celebrated by all of the beautiful relationships that have helped make this once foreigns city a new home. I cooked up a a whole leg of lamb:
slow roasted with sage, hot fermented mustard, celery leaves, a rub of dehydrated mushrooms, toum, paprika, cayenne +, all cooked on a bed of sliced potatos and onions.
over dinner i was gifted with bright lillies, homemade cakes, and chai, and sweet generous words of affirmations of my impact in the world that anchored me in the belief that anywhere i go, i might be so lucky to find love and witnessing at my side.
Time and time again, i remember it is in the gift of relationships that, in one way or another, we are nudged to believe it is safe to be fully seen, fully held, and fully human. embracing (or starting to) this scary but beautiful reality in Chicago, has been my greatest accomplishment yet.
soooo. for as many times as i forget, may i always remember how essential the courage to be witnessed is in experiencing the type of intimacy, depth, and belonging that we each so desperately deserve.
Happy pisces season, may you walk slow, take notice of the changing seasons, and love bravely. Last year i archived dandelions then daphodilles, as the very first plants to rise and meet spring. i wonder if that will remain true this year, or who else might sprout first from the earth’s dorment.
in a world on fire, may be we continue to reach toward our own and each others rawest and most dignified humanity with each passing sun.
32, with love, in community, in bravery, in humility,
Sabrina
Upcoming Work:
I will be hosting my New York City Pop-Up debut on 4.13 at Honeys in BK, where ill be tag teaming with my friend and brilliant cook Annie Faye Cheng, to produce a very special Silk Road Menu — a menu across time and space. find the details coming soon on instagram. xx
Heart Balms & Media List for Pisces Season:
Listen:
“My hope is that i don’t become so cynical and so jaded, and if achieve that, and i can still love, and i can still be generous — i say that for both me and my people, then i will have been victorious” - Vivien Sansour in Getting to the Root of It.
Reading: The Quran translated by Laleh Bakhtiar
Watch: the first sights of spring at Lebanon’s @Buzurna Juzuruna, a regional heirloom seed library preserving the heart of our lands. Support their work, and Listen: to this podcast where they discuss Israel’s starvation campaign on Palestinians.
Listen: the calming and transcendent chords of Innatú- Cuban-Lebanese Oud player (and also my cousin)
Amazing, thank you for taking me on your life’s journey!